What's the point of life

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What's the point of life

Bericht van Admin op vr okt 30, 2015 10:46 pm

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For 'bout half a year, I've been wondering what life's about. Because everything's so little. Everybody has got their own precious little life. If you think about it, there is no bigger thing. Yes, world leaders may be more powerful than you and me, but they are also people with their own lifes. And in a few years, we'll all be dead. And I know that's a bit of a depressive thought, but that's how I see it. There may be something out there, in outer space. But what's big about that? Everything ends, so does this planet and so do other lifeforms.

But what about me? What about my precious little life? The last couple of months, I've been a bit restless. I want to see so much and do so many things. I currently live in the Netherlands, but that's not what I want. The point is that I don't know exactly what I want. Yes, I want to see the world and it's most interesting places, but I don't know if that's all. (In fact, I do know that's not all. I want do more, be important for people. But how could I possibly do that? I mean, I could just go to some poor country and help, but I want to do it in some other way, which I haven't figured out yet). The thought of not knowing what to do with my life makes me restless.
You know what frightens me most? Living. Just, living. When I walk my dog, I see how people live. I see how they go to their everyday jobs, get kids, live their lives, stay in the same house for years. And it scares me. I think that's more frightening than taking the train (which means it's really, really bad). Because it's that what's going to happen to me? Shall I just live? Shall I just live and mean nothing, exept perhaps for the ten people who care about me? I wouldn't want that.

If someone'd ask me what I'd do if I was told I had just one year to live, I'd totally freak out. There is so much to do. But I can not name these particular things. Yes, I'd want to make at least ten dresses and skirts and yes, I'd want to visit the UK, Scotland and Ireland. And still, after that, I shall not get rest. There is this preasure to do things, even when I don't know what.
It's like this in vacations. In the weekends I make lists of what to do when I have some spare time. But when it comes to it, my mind is blanc. I am so restless, so determind to do things, that it just kinda blocks everything and I end up scrollig for houres on Tumblr and Pinterest and not being productive in any way. When I eventually get crafty, it pleases me. Not for long, though. I want more. More, more, more. Of everything. I plan. I just plan in my head, for silly things, like: when I have my own place, I'll be a vegetarian and I won't eat this, and this, and this and I'll clean the whole lot every week and I'll have a really good time with my hipster friends, who share the same interests and we'll get crafty together. And how do I know it'll be like that? It's like, a zillion years away. I'll have to wait 'till I'm old enough to live on my own, follow a bachelor and even have an appartment. And then there are the crafty hipsterfriends. Like, hell no, there is no chance at all I'll have friends. And there is even less chance they'll want me over at their place, or have sleepovers or do other cool things together.  Because why would it be like that in a couple of years, when it seems impossible right now? Maybe it all will be better if I dare to ask people to do things, instead of just waiting to be asked. But I don't know how. There's this fear, that people don't like me and say no, or worse: they don't like me but don't say a word and just have no fun at all.

~This isn't really good for my mood, haha. Especially with some sad Doctor Who music on the background X3


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